Please read this with the voice of the most formidable ringmaster your mind can conjure.
"Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and Girls! Mark your calendars. This weekend is Women's Weekend Out. Please bring your attention to the interior of 217 W Water Street downtown Decorah, Iowa on Friday night. The Carnival is coming to Modish. Enjoy complimentary popcorn and cotton candy infused cocktails. Play the old fashioned Duck Pond game for discounts on qualifying $50 purchases. And prepare to be entertained by Amanda and her aerial crew from Discover Happy Pilates, as they perform above you from a 12 foot apparatus, dressed as carnival characters! Let the show begin."